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Inspired by another interesting article on BPD Family, I have decided to share some insight into why I behaved the way I did in previous romantic relationships.
It’s funny that my non-borderline partners feel like they are under attack because I feel the same way. A lot of what I have done, I did in self-defense to protect myself from some perceived threat. I’ll be the first to step up to the confessional and admit that what I did was irrational. Here are several behaviors I have displayed in romantic relationships and the reasoning behind them:
- Broken a gift you gave me, on purpose. I did this because sometimes I get filled with a rage that is hard to control. You may have hurt my feelings, when I’m upset I get destructive. Weird as it sounds, destroying things you give me hurts my feelings too. I may have felt a strong sense of self-hatred and may have desired to inflict some emotional pain on myself too.
- Crushed on and flirted with several other people at a time. I have a short attention span and people intrigue me. I’m not planning to hook-up with any of them so what’s the problem? I love you, you know that.
- Said some of the most cut throat things you’ve ever heard. I felt hurt and I was retaliating, I am used to chaos and things were just too smooth, or I am playing mind games to see if you really love me.
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