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Years ago I heard a story of two golfers, Dave and Chuck. They were about to start a round of golf when Dave asks, “shall we make this interesting? I’ll bet you $500 AND give you a handicap, if I can have three Gottchas.
Chuck asks, “What’s a Gottcha”, but his friend refused to explain. “Okay”, says Chuck, “Hate to take your money buddy, but this is going to be easy! Let’s go for it.”
On the third hole the Chuck goes to tee off when Dave sneaks up behind him and shouts “Gottaha”, startling his friend, causing him to chunk the shot. Okay, he figured, now that I know his game, I’ll be bettered prepared. They move on two more holes and again, his Dave jumps up behind him shouting “Gottcha!” This time the ball goes off into the woods. They play through the next thirteen holes, with the Chuck becoming increasingly apprehensive; his concentration broken, playing the worst game of his life. When they finish Dave wins by a long shot.
Dave, counting out five crisp $100 bills, asks “Man, what happened to you out there today?”
Chuck replies nervously, “I just couldn’t take it. I was waiting for the last “Gottcha!”
Our lives are filled with “Gottchas”. You never know when some adversity, loss or trauma is going to sneak up on you. Stresses like this can destabilize us, exacerbating any mental or physical disorder. You must not live in fear of them, or like with Chuck, we end up losing. So how do you cope? First, accept the fact that the only thing certain in this world is uncertainty.
For example, my husband and I have been through some rough times. After being employed by a large Pharmaceutical company for fifteen years, they decided to ship all research back to Germany. My husband found himself on the unemployment lines for the first time in over 25 years. We lost our home in Connecticut & our savings. Then, as if a cruel joke, the pattern played out over and over again. First he landed a job in New Jersey. That company closed after 11 months. He then was hired by a company in Massachusetts. After 5 short months, they laid off half its staff, including him, when a new, promising drug failed in the final testing trials. Months later he was taken on as a contract worker for another large pharmaceutical company. After 1 month they decided to tighten their belts and lay off all temporary help. Needless to say between my BPD symptoms and his anxiety over wanting a secure career and income it was difficult dealing with so many changes.
However, I surprised myself by being the rock that held everything together. I looked for the positive in even the darkest moments.
We no longer have to mow a large lawn and therefore have more free time, now living in a small apartment.
Each position gives him more experience, adding to his resume and expanding his network of contacts.
We have been able to explore and travel new areas.
Dealing with adversity has made us stronger. So as each one comes along, we just roll with the punches and keep moving forward.
I’ve learned the importance of living in the moment, not taking things for granted, taking in and appreciating the world around me, knowing it may be just temporary.
And best of all we downsized, got rid of all that unnecessary stuff that was weighing us down and crowding our lives. Surprisingly, I don’t miss it.
My husband turned to me a few days ago and said, “I just want to know where we will finally end up.”
I told him in heaven together. Until then relax and enjoy the ride. As long as we have each other, two great kids, age 23 & 27, a roof over our heads and food to eat, what more do we need? I know we would all be happier if our life was stable, but what’s the use of ruining every moment until then, worrying. Like this quote from Lee Iacocca, American businessman and former CEO of Chysler ~
“So what do we do? Anything. Something. So long as we don’t just sit there. If we screw it up. Start over. Try something else. If we wait until we’ve satisfied all the uncertainties, it may be too late”.”
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